One Year Hence

It's been about 1 year since our foster child left our home, returning to the birth family.

I still think about the child every day. I have a picture on my desk. I think of the laughter, the smiles, the hugs. And how the child just fit in with our family so well.

We've lost touch with the family. Phone, address, and email do not work. I asked around for updated contact information, but no one had any.

There's a hole in my heart. I have to avoid thinking about it to stay calm. (This is hard to write.)

We're due with our second child next month, in April. I'm looking forward to seeing our new child. I'm certain I will adore our baby daughter.

There will always be a place in my heart for our foster child, and nothing else can fill it.

If you ever read this: I hope you're okay. Someday, I hope to see you again. And remember, I love you, and I will always be your Baba.

Kudos

In the recent Foster Forum newsletter for foster parents in our county, the following was written about us:

Kudos to Kyra and Chris ... for providing a loving and stable home for your foster [child] for the last year and a half. The time and energy you put into maintaining a relationship with [the birth parent] was a great asset in the reunification process and helped make the child's transition home successful. Thank you!

You're welcome!

Summer of 2013

Wow, it's been a while since we've posted anything. We've been so busy this summer! What have we been doing?

• Chris completed an online course about machine learning.
• We grilled out in our back yard a lot. At one such party, we played a baseball game with Luca, and I think everyone would agree it was a blast. We're so happy to have our own yard!
• Kyra and Luca took a couple of trips to Minnesota to visit Kyra's Grandma ("Grammy").
• My brother, Kenny, and his wife, Joana, announced they are pregnant!
• We had a trip to Door County. We stayed in a cabin, went to lots of restaurants, hiked a bit, played cards, and all sorts of other things. Our friend Nick set up a treasure hunt for Luca one morning, including a treasure map and all!
• Our marriage turned 5! Kyra got a little older, too... : ) So did our foster child. Parties all around!

• Luca took a trip with friends to see Thomas the Tank Engine. He had a lot of fun, and it was his first weekend on a trip without parents or extended family!
• Luca took T-Ball lessons. He's still taking swimming lessons, too.
• Kyra and Chris, along with one of Kyra's coworkers, went to see Delta Rae live in downtown Madison. It was a great concert!
• Chris's cousin Matt got married, and Luca is still talking about it. It was held at a barn converted into an event hall, and Luca had a lot of fun running around with Chris's young cousins.
• Kyra and Chris went to a Mallards game with Kyra's coworkers. We played cards and we're not sure who won the baseball game.

At some point about here, a couple of our friends saved a family from drowning! They heard some thrashing in the pool and realized someone was in trouble. Chanel dove in and pulled out a couple of kids, then realized the father was still in the pool, and pulled him out too. They did CPR until the ambulance arrived. It was amazing!

• Luca attended a birthday party at a pet store. It was fun seeing all the different animals and how excited all the kids were about it. The guide got a gecko out and let it crawl on the kids, including Luca. He wouldn't let the snake near him, though.
• Kyra initiated the "Geeky Cooking Night", where we made all sorts of geeky food, like zombie leg meat (turkey actually), Star Trek tribbles (very tasty), and 1-up mushrooms.
• Marquis, Kyra's dad, got older by some unknown amount, and had a dance party. It was a lot of fun, even with the kids in tow. Luca and Kyra danced for a bit, as well as Chris and Kyra.

• We attended a corn boil for our CSA farm (community supported agriculture). The owners have kids near our age, and it's amazing to see them grow along with our own.
• Luca had another night without parents, when he took a trip to the Twin Cities with Nana. Kyra joined the next day. They had a birthday party and saw Grammy again.
• Kenny and Joana had a baby shower. Unfortunately, one of us was sick that day, so we couldn't make it, but we took them out to dinner a week later.
• We started to do some house fixing projects, including the driveway, plumbing, and insulation. Hopefully we'll be done before we have to turn the heat on full blast!
• Kyra started a training course for foster care that we have to take within 2 years of starting foster care.

Recently, Kyra and Chris had a day off to themselves, no kids! We went out for a leisurely breakfast, went for a walk at Olbrich, and had a late lunch followed by specialty chocolate. It was a glorious day. The first symphony of the season followed two days later. It was a very nice weekend.

What's coming up?

• Luca's birthday is coming up! We're going to have a swim party, so we'll have to figure out something else for all the adults in his life. We'll let everyone know.
• Kenny and Joana are due with their baby anytime now! Looks like another October birthday!
• We have a ton of birthday parties in October... Not sure if we can make it to all of them!
• It's been almost a year since we started foster care.
• We have a Halloween party planned with a formal theme, but in any state of repair. Kyra's going as a zombie, and Chris will be a silent film villain (cape, mustache, and all!).
• Kyra's already planning for Thanksgiving and Christmas meals, with turkey and goose for each, respectively. That should be interesting!

Wow, it's been busy, and it looks like it will slow down a bit.

Stay tuned for photos from all these events!

A Soap by Any Other Name

Kyra and I have this strange superstition. We know it's silly, but we're still adhering to it: We purchased a certain scent of soap, and in the following days or week (I can't remember how long), we were called about a foster care placement for a child with the same name as the scent of soap.

The child has been with us for a few months now, and we still don't know how long they will be with us. So every time we're about to run out of the soap, we think to ourselves, "Maybe if we run out the soap, [the child] will leave...!" Then during Kyra's biweekly grocery shopping, she picks up more just in time to maintain our supply, and the child stays with us a little longer.

I wonder how this will play itself out. Will we run out of soap and then the child will leave? Or will the child leave or stay regardless of our soap supply? In terms used by MythBusters (which we've been watching a lot lately), will our personal myth be busted or confirmed?

Of course, this is all very silly, but it embodies our hopes for the child to stay with us, or at least to keep in touch. We'll have to wait to see.

Update in the New Year

Wow, it's been a while since we posted last. A lot has happened since October!

For those of you close to us, you know that the new child in our care has been a great little kid. Other than getting sick a few times, and one time very seriously, it's been very smooth. The child sleeps better than Luca, which is especially surprising given the age! Most of the drama has been about the child rather than from the child.

We had a very good Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year. For Halloween, we had a pumpkin carving party with our friends the weekend before. On the day of, we had a little white bear winter coat for the new kid, Luca wore his Abiyoyo outfit, and we walked around our neighborhood for the first time as a family. This was a happy occasion, not only because we had a new child with us, but because we feel safe enough to walk around at night in our neighborhood.

I completed a multi-week foster care training course between October and December. Kyra and I celebrated our date-iversary in November, and Luca continued his swim lessons. Thanksgiving was upon us before we realized it, and we made lots of food with our friends and family, using a lot of food from our winter CSA share from Crossroads Community Farm (Thank you Mike, Cassie, Zea, and Edie!). I missed the fireplace at our condo, but it was still a warm and joyous holiday.

In December, the integer describing my age increased by 1, and Kyra and I attended a work holiday parties. Then there was Snowmaggedon 2012: We were all stuck inside for a few days, and nearly lost power due to tree branches hanging on our power line. I ended up playing basketball on the tree to knock the snow off of it, and we shoveled 2-3 times just in one day. Luca's holiday party at school was unfortunately cancelled, so we didn't get to see him (not) sing a Christmas tune.

Christmas was at our new home again, but this time we had a different menu. For Christmas Eve, we had some of our friends and family over for presents, along with dinner, with turkey stuffed squash from our CSA (the squash, not the turkey). On Christmas Day, we had friends and family over again for brunch and more presents. At the same time, the new kid was very sick, so it was a mixture of fun and stress that I hope never repeats ever again. The only saving grace was that I didn't have to take a lot of extra time off for the illness.

We attended my mom's side's Christmas party out at Uncle Doug's and Aunt Connie's farm, and it was a lot of fun. Everyone got a kick out of seeing the new child, and like Thanksgiving, we all ate way too much. New Year's was similar to Christmas but much more low key and less stressful, with no one being terribly sick. We got to catch up on much-needed sleep.

All in all, it was a good holiday season, aside from the illness, and we all had fun and received nice presents. But the best present was spending time with our friends and family, and that meant a lot to all of us. We hope everyone else had a great holiday season, and we wish you a happy new year!

Fall 2012 News

We've been pretty quiet lately, and for good reasons. We moved, had a house-warming party (thanks to everyone who attended!), and had Luca's 4th birthday party at an indoor miniature golf park. (Kyra had her 4th birthday at the same place!) We also attended two beautiful weddings (congrats to Matt and Sarah, and Brent and Dana!). Nana, Dalila, and Liliana also came to visit for a few days.

Additionally, Kyra and I are now card-carrying, state-licensed parents: we're foster parents. We opened our door to accept children (only 1 at a time) a few weeks ago, and we've had a number of calls. With each one, something worked out with the birth parents, extended birth family, or another foster home, and in the end, the results were better for the children in each case.

But last Thursday that changed: We accepted our first foster child into our home! I can't say much about the child online, so if you want to know more, feel free to call us. We'll find out Monday if she'll be staying with us going forward, and so far, it's been going very well. The child is very cute and very calm.

Just remember, friends and family, since we are not legal guardians or adoptive parents (yet), we can't post news about the child online or post pictures, including pictures on Facebook. So if you are at our house and take pictures, they MUST stay off the internet entirely (not even in password-protected sites or online photo printing services - they aren't secure enough). One day that may change, but for now, anything about the child must stay off of the internet. We appreciate everyone's support on this!

In other news, we're still settling in to our new home. We're getting used to yard work (Luca loves it!) and fixing all the little and big things around the house. We should have new gutters sometime soon, and I may have a project to enhance the air flow from the furnace. And there's all the preparation for winter.

Wish me luck!

A Whirlwind Spring and News

It's been a busy spring! We've done a bunch of things: For example, Kyra and Luca went to the House on the Rock with Nick and LP:







Luca liked the carousel quite a bit. It sounded like a good way to wear him out!

Bucky Badger came to Luca's school one day. I won't post photos of it because there are other kids in the photo, and I don't want to post other kids here without their parents' permission. Here's Luca on a bike instead:



I got to hear Neil deGrasse Tyson, a famous astrophysicist and speaker, give a speech at the University:



The speech was awesome. His speech was similar to the one he gave before the Senate regarding science and transportation. This video about the most astounding thing he knows is also quite awesome.

We've also gone to Olbrich a few times:







Kyra is so beautiful. I think those were taken on Mother's Day.

We also went to Devil's Lake for Kyra's birthday and Memorial Day weekend. Kyra told Luca about the story behind the lake's name, where two giants had a fight and threw rocks at each other. I tried to teach him that the glaciers dropped the rocks when they melted, but that's not quite as good a story, so it hasn't stuck as well. Kyra and I also got to go out to a concert for our anniversary and dancing for her birthday. It was a great weekend.

We also have some big news on three other fronts: First, I've decided to take a new job with a local marketing firm, as a Data Scientist. This is a pretty cool opportunity in a relatively new field of data analysis, using some of the same technologies behind IBM's Watson computer, the computer that bested two top-rank Jeopardy winners. I'll be learning the programming languages Python and R, and I'm really excited to put these skills to commercial and research use.

Second, we've completed the foster care process, and we can start accepting children just about any time. We've decided, for the moment, to start in August, which will give us a bit more time to prepare. Further, our plan is to eventually adopt, but that may not be an option with the first or subsequent children. It may take some time to get to that point.

Just so everyone is aware, we cannot explicitly tell anyone anything about the new child in our care (other than the child's name, of course), not even that the child is a foster child. All we can say is, "This child is in our care." Further, we cannot post photos of or information about the child online, so we may not be able to post any photos with people since the child may be included, and we won't be able to post many details about what we're up to.

I still plan on updating our site with as much (and as little detail about the child) as we can, but it may be even more difficult in the future. So bear with us as we go through this next transition. We would also appreciate everyone's patience and support, including going along with the restrictions about posting photos and information online.

Third, we've decided to try to find a new place to live. We put our condo up for sale, and we hope to find a larger place to accommodate our expanding family. It would also be nice to find a place where Kyra could do childcare in the home, if she decides to do that some day.

There are a lot of exciting new things in store for our family! Stay tuned!

Values

Kyra and I have been going through the process to start foster care, and it requires extensive documentation of our lives and interviews about our childhood, personalities, and relationships. During this process, Kyra mentioned the fact that I have a diagram regarding my values.

I wrote this diagram a few months ago when Kyra was expressing some very low self-esteem. I thought it would help her understand how I feel about her by first explaining my values in general. Here is the first diagram:



In this diagram, the central tenet is one of Love. From there, all other values arise, including valuing Life as a rare and valuable phenomenon, nonviolence, collaboration, education, health, and supportive relationships. And more specifically, I wrote this diagram about Kyra:



I value Kyra for her kindness, wisdom, creativity, beauty, dedication, and integrity. She's a good cook, mother, wife, and teacher. She is loving, compassionate, gentle, intelligent, and honest. I love when she sings and when she dances. She's a good listener, and she has a great sense of humor.

May is Kyra appreciation month, with Mother's Day, our Anniversary, and her Birthday. Kyra, Luca and I love you dearly, and we wouldn't be the same without you. You make use whole. Happy Kyra Appreciation Month.