Lost Ladybug

Last week on May 11, the world lost a lovely person.

 

Carla (Weffenstette) Demp died from complications related to her lifelong condition, cystic fibrosis (CF).

Carla was an intelligent, beautiful, vibrant, sparkly woman.

To my children, she was "Auntie Carla". To me, she was a dear friend, a sister, a part of my family, a part of my heart and soul.

Carla loved to quote songs to express her feelings. Here's a bit of how I feel about her using words from "A Case of You" by Joni Mitchell: 

Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh, I could drink a case of you, darling

I remember that time you told me
You said, "Love is touching souls"
Surely you touched mine

I didn't have enough time with her. There weren't enough dances, enough trips to Hawai'i, enough smiles and laughter. I didn't give her enough paper flowers to get to "sixty-five roses". I didn't have enough time to talk to her, to learn more about her. I could drink a few more cases of you, darling.

I'm so thankful, though, for the time we had. My life is so much better because she was in it, and I think that's true for my family too. She brought with her other wonderful people as well: Her father, "Grandpa Bruce"; her brother Darin; her love George; and lots of friends we would have never met if not for her. We've been truly blessed she was our friend, Auntie, sister.

From a song named "Sparkle" from Your Lie In April:

All I wanted to see is your smile,
And have your beauty color my world in pastel once more
Recalling the memories that welled up inside me,
I let out my feelings, hoping they'll reach out to you far away

All I want to hear is your voice,
And have it resonate undulatingly throughout me once more
And the times we spent together,
Are all irreplaceable in my heart
I'll treasure these memories you gave me
Thank you

2017 in Review

2017 was a quiet year on our journal. We didn't publish a lot, for a few good reasons.

I mentioned the calculus course and what happened surrounding it in another post. The course took up quite a bit of my time and required Kyra to do a lot of extra work since I was busy. Once I finished the course, I got laid off from work, so looking for a new role took up quite a bit of the summer. I've been back at work for several months now, so things have gotten back to normal.

We had a lot happen in 2017! Here are a few highlights.

Luca and Astrid Cooking

Ghibli Spirit!

Yoga Pants 1

Yoga Pants 2

Touching Organs

Cooking as a Family

Visiting Cousins

Astrid's 2-Year Birthday

At a Dance

Fireworks at Great-Grandpa Ihm's

Swimming Lessons

Bathtub Play

Goon Face

A Day with Baba

Hanger Dance

Hugs with Grandma

On the Farm

Luca in a Plane

Cousin Pile

Visit to Great Wolf

Astrid's First Day Back at Daycare

Luca turned 9 this year, but I can't find any photos of the party! We went to a Lego store, built with Legos, and had pizza.

Halloween

Lego League

Great Grandpa Visits

Birthday Present

Holiday Preparation

I posted about Christmas in another post as well - here it is.

Now that I'm caught up with 2017, I need to catch up with 2018!

What a Year

It's been a tough year, and we've been rather quiet on our journal. What happened?

Early this year, I decided to take a prerequisite course (Calculus III) for an master's program that I would like to apply to. It was the only requirement I didn't have. The course was online and I'm pretty good at math, so I thought it would work well. I was quite wrong - the course was simply not run well.

Just a few weeks into the course, my cousin, Alexandra, a 20-something year old college student, died as a result of complications from a collision with a car driven by a drunk driver. She is a bright, beautiful young woman and will remain so in my heart forever. She was the second cousin to die on this side, and my family was devastated. It affected me more deeply than I imagined.


I was not close to Alexandra or her family, but she meant a lot to me anyway. I remember when she was born, holding her as a baby, and watching her grow over the years. Granted I was a kid for most of that time, too, but I really felt quite fond of my young cousins. For about 2 weeks after her death, I had bouts of despair where I just cried until I ran out of tears. I still think about her quite often.

Begrudgingly, I started the course again. I had all sorts of issues. The mentor was behind on grading, the content was not up-to-date and sometimes incorrect, and it was tough to learn the material. I had a lot of review and catch-up to do, and all told it disrupted our family life quite a bit. Kyra had to do a lot more work around the house and with the kids.

I completed the course and thankfully got an A+. Shortly after, I submitted the paperwork to get reimbursed for the course by my employer. About two weeks after that, I got a strange meeting invitation from my boss. I asked what it was about, and got a vague response. I found out at the meeting I was getting laid off, along with several other coworkers. Fortunately, I would still get reimbursed for the course, and they offered a very generous severance package.

Obviously, this was rather awful news, especially since I had already sapped a lot of time and energy out of our family by taking that course. Now I had to drop everything and look for work. Fortunately, I was able to find work as a consultant rather quickly. It didn't provide (reasonably priced) benefits, so I continued to look for full-time work.

However, I needed a new car since we got rid of mine as I was working at home. Well the first car turned out to be a lemon. I had to work out returning it, getting my money back, and finding a new car all on a work day. What a hassle - I just didn't need any more stress at the time.

Eventually I landed a new, full-time role. Luckily, it's a work-at-home role as well, so I was all ready to go. I took a couple of weeks off and started working. Shortly into the new role, I heard some more bad news - my grandma died.

Grandma Jeraldine always had a bright smile whenever I saw her. She had multiple sclerosis (MS) for a very long time, and most of the time I knew her, she was confined to a wheel chair. Yet still, she had this magnificent smile for anyone who visited. She never seemed depressed to me, although I imagine she must have been at least some of the time. Despite it all, she just glowed when you saw her.


She had been in hospice for quite some time, and it appears she may have just fallen ill with a cold or something minor to anyone else. She had 7 children, 12 grandchildren, and 11 great-grandchildren, and 1 hell of a husband - Grandpa Robert.

Grandpa Robert is quite a man. He is a dedicated husband with amazing strength, a great sense of humor, and an abundance of love. It's been a hard year for him, losing a second grandchild and wife. Through it all, he's been a role model of love and compassion.

On top of all this, my aunt Cindy has been struggling with a recurrence in the cancer she had years ago. She's a strong, amazing woman, too. She has this quiet strength like Grandpa. We were both sick at the same time when I was a kid, and I always felt like we were war buddies. We made it through our diseases together. Last time I saw her, I told her she had to come to our anniversary party and Megan's wedding. She promised she would be there.

What a year. I'm exhausted just thinking about it again!

So far, 2017 has only had a few redeeming qualities:

• I have a new nephew!
• Our dear friend Carla got new lungs and is doing rather well!
• My immediate family is healthy and doing well at school/work

Kyra decided to go back to work at her prior preschool, and Astrid has a spot in one of the classes there, too. They both have adjusted very well. Luca continues to do well at school and is improving in social areas. I'm at work again, and our daily life is more-or-less back to normal. Thanksgiving is almost upon us, and despite all that 2017 has thrown at us, there's a lot to be thankful for.

Even so, I sure hope 2018 is better. We've got our 10-year anniversary to celebrate, after all!

A picture is worth...

My darling Chris, words could never express how much I love you, or how important you have been in my life over the past nine years. I hope that instead these few pictures can say what I am unable to.

Dating


Engagement


Wedding


1st Anniversary


2nd Anniversary


3rd Anniversary


4th Anniversary


5th Anniversary


6th Anniversary


7th Anniversary


8th Anniversary


9th Anniversary

All my love darling, for now and so many more years to come.

Kyra

Father-Son Day

Back in November last year, Luca had a day off, so I took the day off to spend it with him. We didn't do too much, but it was a good day.

We decided to start the day by going on a hike at a park in Middleton. It's just outside of town, and there was a large hill to climb. Luca is a very physical kid, so he was excited about it. Additionally, I figured he would sleep better if we burned some energy.

We arrived and started hiking toward the big hill. It was a quite a way from the parking lot we selected, but it was rather nice so it was worth the walk.

Once we got to the top of the hill, we read some signs and found out that there are Native American burial mounds around and on the hill. It seemed like they were working on clearing the brush from some of them, so we found a couple and walked around them.

We started heading down the other side of the hill, but found that a neighboring pig farm was rather stinky, so we decided to head back to the car. It would be about lunch time anyway by the time we got back. Back on top, I snapped a few pics:



Here you can see the river running by the park.





I was hoping to go to a certain cafe for lunch, but it had closed down. So we went to Hubbard's, and we had lunch at the counter. It's kind of odd eating with Luca at the counter - not sure why. We had pie and had a good conversation.

Then it was off to home for a nap. After that, we played Minecraft for an hour or two - why not? It's a day off - take a break!

Then it was back to the usual routine of dinner, family time, and bedtime.

Overall it was a good day. Thanks for sharing it with me, Luca!

Father-Daughter Day

A couple of weeks ago, Nana and Ave decided to rent a camper and go on a camping trip with Liliana and Dalila. On the first day, they arrived at Devil's Lake, and we went up to meet them, play at the beach, and have dinner.

Kyra decided to stay with them that evening, along with Luca. Since Astrid is still so young, we decided that I would bring her home so she could sleep in her crib. The following day would just be me and Astrid. But father-daughter day really started on the drive home.

Usually Astrid falls asleep in moderate-to-long car rides, but on the way home I decided I was still a bit hungry, so I stopped at a restaurant and ordered a chicken sandwich. While we were waiting, Astrid and I played in the car, with me reaching back to grab her hand and make funny noises at each other.

When we got back home, it was late and past Astrid's bedtime. I had showered her at the park so I could just put her to bed, but since she was still rather awake, we snuggled for a bit before bedtime.

Astrid has been teething lately, and I might have forgotten to give her medicine before bed. She woke up at midnight, probably with tooth pain. I ended up pulling her into bed with me since I was too tired to lean over the crib and get her back to sleep. She fell asleep as we snuggled, but I couldn't get to sleep. I was too worried I would roll over her in the middle of the night, so I put her back in her crib.

Of course, when we woke up that morning, I was still too tired, so I brought her back to bed again and we snuggled and chatted about the ceiling fan. (Kyra says Astrid thinks the fan is waving at her.) She's making all these funny noises now - not quite words, but she's trying.

After a morning of playing and reading, we went to visit the principal at Luca's school (Huegel Elementary). She's leaving for a new job in the southwest, and she was a really great principal. I wanted to say goodbye, and let her see Astrid one more time. During the school year, I would watch the kids in the mornings, and she was often out there too. During the warm spring weather, I would bring Astrid on occasion. Grandpa Bill was at school that day, too, cleaning up the school after Luca (and his classmates, I suppose). We had a good talk and headed home.

When we got back home, we decided to play ball in the front yard. Astrid took this little blue basketball and dropped it at the top of the driveway. It would roll down and I would catch it and bounce it back at her. A simple game, but she got a kick out of it.

During lunch, Astrid was being goofy and had food all over her hands. She started clapping for some reason, so I started clapping with her, and I tried to get her to do a clapping game. She thought it was hilarious. Once we cleaned up, it was time for more reading before naptime.

After nap, everyone else was scheduled to come back to our place. So ended a father-daughter day. I'll remember the laughter, playing in the car, snuggling, and clapping with food all over our hands.

Today, Tomorrow, and Some Yesterdays

I got my love of dancing and big band music from my grandfather. One of my earliest memories of him was dancing on his shiny black shoes, holding onto his rough, work-worn hands.

Recently while going through storage I came upon some old cassette tapes marked "Roy D. Mattson, Personal Refections". How I came by them I have no clue, but they turned out to be tapes my grandfather made after being diagnostic with advanced stage prostate cancer, the disease that eventually claimed his life. My mom and I sat down and listened to the tapes the last time she stayed with us. The first few were up beat and positive. "As I sit here", my grandfather begins, "I don't feel like there is a thing wrong with me. If I had a little music I'd get up and dance the lindy!" Two or three entries continue in this positive tone, with my grandfather saying how good he feels, how he knows he can beat the cancer.

Then we came to an entry that was immediately different. His voice sounds tired and frail. We didn't get more than a minute into the tapes before my mother started to cry. It was the first entry he made after he broke his hip, and this, my mother said, was his realization that he really wouldn't make it beyond the cancer, that it was, as the doctors had told him from the beginning, terminal.

She told me the story of what happened that day. He had been filling up his SUV with gas, and when he swung himself up into the driver's seat his hip cracked. That was how severely the cancer had weakened his bones. And what did my grandfather do? He drove, not to the hospital, but home. He had my mom help him get dressed up in his best suit and drive him and my grandmother down to the lake for a photo shoot they had already planned. When my mother, the physical therapist, protested, he said to her he wanted "one more picture with his glamor girl". Only then would he go to the hospital.

I have that photo. From the huge smiles and the stylish clothes (both my grandparents were fashionistas in their day) you would never suspect the pain, both emotional and physical that must have underlaid that photo. All you can see is the love.

Today is Chris and my eighth anniversary. And when I think about what I want for our relationship, it is that photo. I want a love that is strong enough to transcend the aches and pains of everyday life, so that all that shines out is the love. No marriage, no life is without pain and struggle. My grandparent's marriage wasn't necessarily a model union. But, in the end, they loved each other, and that love was strong enough to carry them through the hardest times in their lives.

Chris, I love you, more than I can clumsily express. We have been through a lot, and after each and every struggle I love you more. I cherish each day with you, because I am continually reminded how brief and fleeting life can be. Eight years with you has been a treasure, and I am so lucky to have the life and family I have. Here's to tomorrow, today, and the next eight years.

All my love,

Kyra

April Feels

I'm feeling a bit emotional right now.

I just finished watching "Your Lie in April", an anime about a boy who stops playing piano after his mother dies and finds hope again upon meeting a girl who plays the violin.

I thought, "Wow, an anime about musicians inspiring one another. That should be good."

22 episodes later, and half of them with tears somewhere along the way, I couldn't have been more right. 5 stars on Netflix? Hell yes. Amazing show. It inspired me to play piano better, and it reminded me of a dear friend.

At the same time, I've been listening to this song from a video game, Valkyria Chronicles, called "A Loved Passed On" (the link is to a spoiler-free version). Short and bitter-sweet, it's sung at a funeral.

"And now, the love that you gave me, blooms and will live on..."

Both of these stories deal with death. But they also deal with the life that remains and how to move on, and remember those who came before us.

And that life comes, anew.

Like tomorrow. Tomorrow, of all days in April, is the best day. The day my little girl was born, one of the sparks in my heart that gives me life and love.

And we remember those who came before. Luca and Astrid Rose, you two are the hope for tomorrow, and the remembrances of those who came before you.



P.S. She's walking now!



P.P.S. Now that she can walk, she's pulling herself up to play piano with me! *double-feels*

2015 Missed Events, Post 1

We were rather busy in 2015, and I missed quite a few events, as I mentioned in an earlier post. So this week, I'm going to try to catch up.

First off, I wanted to say how proud I am of my little boy Luca, for doing so well in school. He graduated Kindergarten last year in May, just after Astrid was born.

Here he is getting his diploma:


And here he is with his teacher and Grandpa Bill:



Luca, you did a great job in Kindergarten. You are an awesome reader, mathematician, and friend. Good job!