Assorted Wedding and Marriage Humor

Joke: A husband is helping his wife apply cocoa butter to help reduce stretch marks from pregnancy. He asked, "Why do you need to put cocoa butter on your butt?" She replied, "Because any place that has fat will expand." Curious, he then asked, "So why don't you put some on your face?"

Please remember that there is a disclaimer on these jokes. : )

At our wedding, Kyra's family assembled a list of funny things for me to do when they clinked their "glasses" (we had plastic cups). Here's the list:
  • Limbo Kiss
  • Chicken Dance*
  • Eskimo Kiss
  • Big Fat French Kiss
  • Kiss the Bride's Foot*
  • Kiss while Balancing Cups on Heads*
  • Dip the Bride
We couldn't do the last one, of course, because Kyra has been pregnant since February. We actually did the starred (*) ones.

There were a number of funny quotes from our "wedding preparation" footage. Here are a select few:

Kyra: Here are all the ultrasound photos we have proudly displayed on our wall.
Chris points at first photo of the baby's you-know-what.
Chris: This will be blurred.
Chris: It's a violation of FCC standards.

Chris lifts a dresser.
Kyra: Careful dear, don't give yourself a hernia.
Chris: I'm more worried about my back.
Kyra: Isn't that what happens when your back goes out.
Chris gives Kyra a strange look and puts the dresser down.
Chris: You don't know what a hernia is, do you?
Kyra: Apparently not.

Kyra: I'm putting together the wedding day survival pack.
Kyra: So we have pepto bismol, well actually these are antacids. We also have pepto bismol, so whatever stomach ailment you should have, whether it's coming out too much or not coming out at all, we have it.
Kyra: We have duct tape. For all things moving that should not.
Chris: Should we put in WD-40 for things that aren't moving that should?
Kyra: I don't think we can spray my sister with WD-40.
Chris: What??
[Apparently she was referring to her sister's inability to get out of bed in the morning.]

Chris is adding music to the playlist.
Chris: Do you want anything weird at the reception?
Kyra: Other than you?

Chris: Damn.
Kyra: Way to swear on the video tape by the way.
Chris: That was a mild expletive.

Kyra: I'd like to point out that she [the model on the box] makes the maternity belt look sexy, but a maternity belt is NOT sexy.


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